I had to let a client go.
This isn’t typical. Usually, once a client sees the transformation to a clean headstone with beautiful flowers, they stay with me for years. They want their gravesite to continue to look that cared for, season after season, year after year.
But every once in a while, it doesn’t work out.
Here are the basic facts: I built a graveside garden for my client (let’s call her Nancy) and planted flowers. Nancy messaged me a few months later. Her text said, “How much would it cost if I bought the flowers?” I told her, and she replied, “That’s expensive.”
Hmmm.
When we look at these facts alone, it’s easy to start overthinking: Did I do a bad job? Miss the client’s expectations somehow? Is the pricing really that off the mark?
Spring planting for a long-term client.
So let’s give this case a little more context. You will start to see why grave tending may not be a good fit for her, and why I’m not beating myself up over it.
Nancy called us, looking to plant a graveside garden for a loved one who had recently passed away. The stone is new, too, so no cleaning necessary. She visited the cemetery every week and brought flowers, but they didn’t hold up well, so she thought she’d try a garden. After a few text messages back and forth, she met me at the gravesite with one of her children who lives close and also visits regularly.
During our cemetery visit:
She showed me a picture from my website and said that is what she wanted. The picture was of a larger stone with a generously-sized bed, and bright fall flowers, although it was currently late spring.
Nancy said she wanted low plants that came no higher than roughly the top of the base of the stone. And she wanted space in between each of the plants.
We walked around the cemetery a bit and she pointed out gardens she admired. Most of them had mature plants that had grown together. No space between and much higher than the base.
She specified that she wanted mostly white, with an accent color mixed in.
As we walked around, Nancy didn’t like the richer mulch colors she saw, like hemlock, brown, or black. She wanted more muted so decided on cedar.
We marked out what she wanted for a bed, and it turned out to be 8 inches on the sides and about 16 in front.
Each of these requirements, taken individually, is completely normal. I get very specific requests all the time. But as the requirements piled up, I started to wonder whether anything I did would end up acceptable. (We even had a discussion about the height of the dirt for the bed!)
Spring planting for another long-term client.
Requirements are very helpful when working with a client. And you would think that the more direction you have the easier it will be: You understand what they want, so there is no guessing. (Learning they can’t stand yellow flowers is key information!) But at a certain point, the requirements become so restrictive it’s tough to do a good job without stressing yourself out.
Even with no restrictions, it takes a bit of creativity to design the garden…and then the type of flower you planned on may not be available when you get to the garden center. You need to be able to flex your design and let inspiration strike when you’re faced with a challenge. Given a rule of “plants not touching” plus “only as high as the top of the base” along with a narrow bed size results in very limited choices.
I did the very best I could to meet Nancy’s requirements, and the result was both understated and lovely. I have to admit, I was a bit relieved when the job was over. It took me a lot of extra time (and worry) to make sure I was checking all the boxes. I even went around with scissors and snipped leaves off plants that were too close to each other!
When I received Nancy’s texts a few months later, I was not surprised.
But here’s the twist: Nancy never really needed my services long term. She just needed help getting started. She may not have thought that way, but having planted once and understanding their situation, I became confident she and her family could take it from here.
Now that the garden is built (edged, sod layer removed, earth turned and prepared), the hard physical part is over and each successive planting will be easier. And all that work we did in the cemetery looking at other gardens and talking about what she liked and did not like? It refined her vision much more than wandering around the garden center by herself. And finally seeing her garden come to life will help her decide what she wants to change—or keep—for next season.
And that’s what I told Nancy: Now the garden is built, consider making this a family event. Take an afternoon to buy flowers and plant them with your children. Then you can come and water each week.
The reality is, not everyone needs us long-term. When you meet with a new client, make sure you listen, give them your best service, and don’t be afraid to talk with them about what they are really looking for, and why.
Remember, the goal of grave tending isn’t “the gravesite.” It’s peace of mind for our clients. If that means we build a garden bed and show them how to plant it? That’s great news! That initial push has made a real and positive difference in their life.
Oh, and can you guess the response I got when I suggested Nancy and her family can take this from here? A heart emoji. ❤️